


Mewtwo Returns Again

by revenblue



Series: [series] Tales of the Narrator [6]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Old Fic, POV Third Person, slight crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-07
Updated: 2011-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22843369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Mewtwo wants their cake back.
Series: [series] Tales of the Narrator [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746541





	Mewtwo Returns Again

**Author's Note:**

> Written and originally posted ~April 2011, slightly edited and crossposted to ao3 February 2020.
> 
> Sequel to [This One's About Cake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354370). Does reference another old fic of mine, [Distracted By The Shiny](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354367).

"Ash!" Mewtwo yelled, appearing in front of the Trainer.

Ash doubled over, clutching his head.

"Sorry," Mewtwo said, toning the power down a bit. The Narrator knows Mewtwo doesn't talk normally, but it's better for the thesaurus if you pretend they do.

"Ash! I need your help!" Mewtwo pleaded.

"Sure!" Ash agreed immediately. Like he always does when someone needs help, which frequently involves a high fatality rate.

Mewtwo smiled (as close as they could get, anyway) and teleported them both (oh, and the hellish little ro- um, Pikachu), leaving the people he was travelling with all alone in the middle of nowhere. With a slightly higher chance of getting to where they wanted to go, now that they could get someone relatively competent at directions (compared to Ash) to lead them.

* * *

"So, uh, what do you need help with?" Ash asked.

"My cake disappeared!" Mewtwo wailed.

"Pikachu and I'll help you find it!" Ash offered.

"Pika!" Pikachu agreed.

* * *

Somehow, this proves to be more life-threatening than that time Arceus nearly destroyed the world.

* * *

"I can sense my cake over in that direction," Mewtwo said, pointing with one finger.

"Psychics have that power?" the Narrator asked.

{-No.-}

"Who are you?"

{-I'm the Storyteller.-}

"'Storyteller'?"

{-I tell the story.-}

"That's a Narrator's job! And the _Narrator_ is an Narrator!"

{-I never would have guessed.-}

"Smarta--," the Narrator muttered, not pronouncing the last two letters. This _is_ a kid-friendly story, after all.

* * *

{-Say, where would Mewtwo get a power like that, anyway? Hint, hint.-}

"What does that mean?"

{-Think about it.-}

Hmmm.

{The Narrator is thinking.}

Hmmm.

{The Narrator is thinking very hard and I'm starting to get bored. Yawn.}

Hmmm.

{In case you hadn't noticed yet, the Narrator is thinking. Me and you, on the other hand... we wait.}

" _SHUT UP! THE NARRATOR IS TRYING TO THINK!_ " the Narrator screamed.

* * *

{5 hours later...}

Rrrg.

{-I take it you figured it out.-}

Dirty rotten no-good clone, stealing the _Narrator_ 's power. And-

Hey! 5 hours?! More like 5 _seconds_!

{-I'm outta here.-}

Good. Now, back to the sto- Why aren't the characters moving?

* * *

{-I guess I'd better unpause this.-}

{The Characters resumed.}

"What are we waiting for?" Ash asked.

And so they journeyed towards the cake... Somehow changing universes somewhere along the way.

* * *

{-What are you doing?-}

"Trying to find out where the cake is."

{-That explains the face.-}

"What face?" the Narrator demanded.

{- _Your_ face, _duh!_ -}

"The Narrator feels insulted."

{-Get over it.-}

"No."

* * *

{Nothing much was happening down below. Mewtwo and Pikachu played imaginary chess to pass the time ('cause they're smart), while Ash thought abo- }

"Hey! The _Narrator_ is telling the story!"

Ahem.

Nothing much was happening down below. Mewtwo and Pikachu played-

{-The readers have already read that! Just tell them what Ashy-boy was thinking about!-}

"...Ashy-boy?"

{-Long story.}

"Fine."

Ash was thinking about cake.

{-That wasn't so hard, was it?-}

The Narrator pulled out the Bazooka.

{-Rockets don't work too well on disembodied voices, you know.-}

The Narrator swapped the Bazooka for a BGF9000, making the Bazooka sad. Bazookas have feelings, too.

{-Where did you get that?-}

"Borrowed it off a friend," the Narrator grinned.

* * *

Meanwhile...

By the way, this 'meanwhile' actually has something to do with the plot. Kinda. Unlike the last one.

"Get on with it!" a Reader yelled. Not you. Unless it was.

Ahem.

"Mud!" one Mudkip-

{Not this again!}

Sorry, wrong meanwhile.

Bunny was facing a horde of People Who Need To Die. Who will be known as the Order of the Red Shirt from now on. Or just Red Shirts. They weren't facing him, though. It was a stealth attack.

He reached for his BFG9000...

And the BFG9000 was missing.

"D*** Narrator must've borrowed it again," Bunny muttered. Censored by the Narrator, since this _is_ a kid-friendly story, after all. Bunny shrugged and went all ninja rabbit on the unfortunate souls in front of him instead. None of them survived, but it's not like you care, is it?

* * *

{-Hey! Listen!-}

The Narrator shuddered. Partly because of the words, and partly because of how good the Storyteller's impression was.

{-You know that thing you were trying to do before?-}

"Yeah..." the Narrator replied, not knowing where this was going.

{-Isn't that the Standard Narrator Superpower Mewtwo stole?-}

"You may be right for once... Wait a minute. How do you know about Standard Narrator Superpowers?"

{-Common knowledge among Storytellers. Just like the fact that you're supposed to stay at least one light-year from Ash Ketchum at all times.-}

The Narrator fired the BFG in the direction the Narrator thought the Storyteller was in.

It missed.

Even a BFG9000 can't hit a disembodied voice.

* * *

Ash, Pikachu and Mewtwo arrived at their destination: a castle. Mewtwo's cake was inside this castle.

The sight of the clone reminded the Narrator of something. This something does not bode well for Mewtwo's continued survival.

The Narrator pulled a notebook and a pen out of midair, aka Hammerspace.

{-That notebook better not be a Death Note.-}

"It's not," the Narrator replied. "It's a list of People Who Need To Die. By Bazooka, preferably."

{-Interesting list. I suppose this explains the restraining order.-}

"Are you reading over the Narrator's shoulder?" the Narrator demanded.

{-No, I'm reading through your torso.-}

"...You're joking, right?"

{-Nope, sorry.-}

* * *

The Narrator scribbled another name into the notebook. The Storyteller didn't even need to look to know it was Mewtwo.

* * *

Mewtwo guided Ash and Pikachu through the castle to the room where Mewtwo's cake awaited them. Ash knocked politely on the door.

The door was answered by someone with longish blue hair and a tiara-like thing perched on their head. Despite the appearance, this person is male.

His name is Marth. He's a prince. He's feeling sick from eating too much cake.

Ash and Mewtwo quickly explained the situation, and Marth quickly surrendered ownership of (what was left of) the cake.

Everyone got a piece of cake. Except Marth, who didn't want any. And the Narrator, and the Storyteller, and the Reader (sucks to be you!). And Bunny.

The Narrator was so upset at not being offered a piece of cake that that Narrator pulled out a giant Spoon from somewhere and started swinging it wildly. This sent Spoon Beams (like Sword Beams, only cooler) flying towards every non-Narrator character with a body.

* * *

The Storyteller paused the story just before the Spoon Beams hit, stopping the Spoon Beams in their tracks.

{-Hey! Listen!-}

The Narrator cringed.

{-Isn't that Mewtwo's Spoon?-}

"Yes," growled the Narrator.

{-Didn't it disappear on that ship a while back?-}

"That was a daydream."

{-Ah, yes. I remember now. That was fun to mess with.-}

"You... you messed with the Narrator's daydream?" the Narrator asked weakly.

The Storyteller nodded hesitantly, before realising he was a disembodied voice and vocalising (for lack of a better word) his answer. {-...Yes.}

" ** _THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE!_** " the Narrator screamed, sending Spoon Beam after Spoon Beam towards the Storyteller.

{-Oh, crap.-}

"Hey! This is a kid-friendly-"

{-Who are you kidding? _Spearow's Adventure_ , which isn't even about the Spearow by the way, would be rated 'teen' on FanFiction.net. Not 'kids', 'teen'. All because of what _you_ let slip by the radar undetected. And that 'daydream' of yours is too gory for anyone under the age of ten. You call _that_ kid-friendly?-}

All said before the first Spoon Beam hit.

The Narrator was rendered speechless. Partly because of what the Storyteller said. Partly because of the huge explosion when the Spoon Beam hit a disembodied voice (somehow). But mainly because of the sparkles from the explosion. The Narrator was Distracted By The Shiny.

At least there were no kitty voices this time.

* * *

When the smoke cleared, the Narrator was struck speechless again. Everyone else would have been speechless too, but they were still paused.

Digletts were flying around where the Storyteller's head would have been if he wasn't a disembodied voice. You know that thing where baby chickens or stars fly around someone's head when they're confused? Something like that. With Digletts.

Okay, Marth may not have seen this as unusual, having never seen a Pokémon before today. Everyone else, on the other hand...

* * *

{-That hurt...-} The Storyteller created an illusion showing a man rolling up his sleeves like those guys in movies do sometimes. {-Now it's serious.-}

The Narrator gulped.

{-There. Is. No. Spoon.-}

The Spoon disappeared. The paused Spoon Beams disappeared. The Narrator's Bazooka disappeared, but that had nothing to do with the Storyteller.

The Spoon reappeared in Mewtwo's... let's just call them 'hands'.

The Storyteller unpaused the characters as the Narrator crawled into a corner and started imitating a sulking toddler.

{"I got my Spoon back!" Mewtwo exclaimed happily, psychically lifting the Spoon up in the traditional 'Item Get' pose, while I rewrote reality so a random trumpet played a traditional 'Item Get' fanfare.

I love being a Storyteller.

Storyteller = God.}

*poke*

{"Now I can throw away that depressing poetry!" Mewtwo continued. "I don't need it any more."}

*poke*

{"You too?" Marth asked.}

*poke*

{So Mewtwo and Marth went off to compare depressing poetry. Ash was glad he'd helped (even though he hadn't), and Pikachu-}

*ponvdsajghuifphviabhvadobfhadbfadhgohd

{And Pikachu shocked the Narrator for poking it.}

The Narrator lay in a steaming heap on the ground, groaning.

{So, Mewtwo, how did you lose your cake anyway?" Marth asked.

"There was this Chatot, and-"

As if it had been summoned, a Chatot flew in.

"The cake is a lie!" it cried.

The cake disappeared.

" ** _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_** " Mewtwo screamed.

"At least you got to try it this time," Marth pointed out, trying to cheer up the clone. "Plus, you got your Spoon back."

At that point, another Chatot flew in.

Mewtwo clutched its Spoon tightly, although it wasn't necessary, as someone *coughmecough* put in a rule that Mewtwo's Spoon can only be lost once a story. It had already happened in this story, so the Spoon was safe.

I'm nice. Especially compared to the Narrator.

"The Princess is in another castle!" the Chatot cried, being unable to say anything about spoons.

"Of course she is!" Marth yelled back. "The one I'm looking for, anyway. I don't wanna marry my sister..."

A third Chatot flew in.

"All your base are belong to us!" it cried.

The castle was immediately full of Chatot. When one of the Chatot saw the heroes (characters, actually, but who am I to judge? Oh, right... the Storyteller. Well, um... yeah.), they were immediately booted out the front gate.

Even the Narrator and the Storyteller.}

"Yeah? Well You Require More Vespene Gas!" the Narrator yelled back from inside a transplanted circle of mushrooms.

The Chatot started chattering about needing to find a source of Vespene Gas.

{-Nice one, Narrator.-}

"Thanks."

{-Doesn't stop you from going to Gamer Hell, though.-}

"Oh f-"

The Narrator disappeared.

* * *

{Mewtwo sent Ash and Pikachu back to where the adventure had begun, before starting on a journey with Marth, whom it had struck up a good friendship with over the course of the story.

And the Narrator?}

* * *

{Location: Gamer Hell.}

"Hey! Hey! Hello? Listen! Watch out! Hey! Listen! Hello? Watch out! Hey! Hello? Hey! Hey! Watch out!-"

**_"SHUUUUT UUUUP NAAAVIII!!!!!"_** the Narrator screamed.

"Listen! Hey! Hello? Hey! Listen! Watch out! Listen! Hello?" Navi continued.

{And so the Narrator was forced to listen to those four phrases for the rest of existence. It's not called 'Gamer Hell' for nothing.}

{Or at least, that was the theory.}

{Disclaimer: Not all versions of Gamer Hell are the same. Gamer Hell is your own personal Hell. The Narrator's is Navi.}

* * *

{What happened to the cake? Well, one day Mario was walking through the forest when the cake fell on him. The End.}

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly my Narrator stories were dropping in quality by this point because I had no sense of moderation keeping me in check. It only gets worse from here, with the possible exception of AOTSS (but that was a NaNovel so make of that what you will).


End file.
